Jewish Dating in the Time of COVID-19
With so many matchmaking and online dating services, it’s no surprise that people are looking for love, but as a recent Pew study 1 shows, their search results in marriage less and less often. That’s because relationships of any kind are seldom easy. As a professor of mine said, “the thing about relationships is, you have to do them with someone else. In the Western world, we are long past an era of arranged marriages, but we can still learn something from the Bible’s account of one such match that was successful.
The story of the search for—and discovery of—a bride for Isaac, son of Abraham and Sarah, is the subject of this week’s Torah portion, Chayei Sarah. It is, perhaps, not only the earliest account of an arranged marriage, but also a romantic account of how God brings Isaac and Rebekah together.
Considering the problems with intermarriage especially among the millennial generation and the recent matchmaking, Shidduch Crisis, one.
In Orthodox Jewish circles, dating is limited to the search for a marriage partner. Both sides usually the singles themselves, parents, close relatives or friends of the persons involved make inquiries about the prospective partner, e. A shidduch often begins with a recommendation from family members, friends or others who see matchmaking as a mitzvah, or commandment. Some engage in it as a profession and charge a fee for their services.
Usually a professional matchmaker is called a shadchan, but anyone who makes a shidduch is considered the shadchan for it. After the match has been proposed, the prospective partners meet a number of times to gain a sense of whether they are right for one another. The number of dates prior to announcing an engagement may vary by community.
Inside The World Of Jewish Matchmaking
These women, professional shadchanim , or matchmakers, ask the men and women about their family connections and education, who they know, where they pray. The shadchanim dismiss their unmarried charges after the interviews, then huddle together in a dark room lined with ancient religious texts. Speaking in a mixture of English, Yiddish, and Hebrew, they rifle through their notes, searching for matches.
New Jewish Matchmaking: A Quantitative Analysis of JDate Users. Miriam Pullman Friedman, MAJCS, MPA ‘ JDate’s popularity is evident in many Jewish.
For centuries, Jewish families seeking suitable mates for their daughters and sons have employed the services of a matchmaker, an honored figure in the community who acts as a counselor, a diplomat and a reliable source of neighborhood news. Nancy Granat, a former corporate manager with a degree in counseling, is a matchmaker for the new millennium.
You have financial consultants,” said Granat, 59, a grandmother whose tools are a computer database and her intuition. While most matchmakers today serve the Orthodox Jewish community, seeking to match mates who will uphold the strictest interpretation of religious life, Granat is Baltimore’s first professional matchmaker serving Jews who are affiliated with other branches such as Reform or Conservative or who aren’t religious at all. The catalyst for starting Jewish Personal Connections was the pervasive concern that intermarriage rates exceeding 50 percent threaten the future of the American Jewish community.
Rabbi Floyd L. Herman of Har Sinai Congregation, a Reform synagogue, said he supports such creative efforts to strengthen Jewish identity.
As the pandemic ramped up and staying in became the norm, the newly unemployed Joti Levy wondered how she could be of service during such challenging times. Levy, who lives in Sebastopol in Sonoma County, is a neurolinguistic programming practitioner — a kind of life coach — and spiritual mentor. As she was wondering aloud to her partner what she could offer, he suggested getting on Facebook Live to share how she was feeling. Then, about two decades ago, she found land-based Judaism at the Isabella Freedman Jewish Retreat Center, a Jewish environmental initiative in the foothills of Connecticut.
The correct term for a Jewish matchmaker is shadchanit for a woman, shadchan for a man. Judith Gottesman helps love-seeking Jews in.
Their connection felt genuine and she was eager to cut out the middleman. Her future husband was less certain and suggested they wait. For instance, a shadchen acting as an intermediary at the beginning of a relationship served Lily in her early 20s, but was less effective as she matured. Lily attributes this disconnect to the reality that shidduch dating was originally intended for people in their late teens and early 20s.
He says that, thanks to his work, 58 couples have gotten engaged. He generally sets up young, secular Jews, because he feels that non-Orthodox Jews have limited dating resources. He also writes a monthly advice column in The CJN. Finding your soulmate is reuniting those two lost halves, whose destinies have been entwined from the start. For Anna Sherman, a marriage and family therapist who for 17 years has made matches in her spare time, the motivation to set people up stems from a distinct sense of empathy for the emotional distress shidduch dating can cause.
Three couples she introduced have gotten married. She often matches people who are baal teshuvah, or have become more observant, as she knows from experience that they are often stigmatized in the religious dating world. As a therapist, Sherman feels as though she has more insight into what matters to people and how they operate than many others do. She cites what she says is a plausible scenario, wherein a shadchen might help a couple figure out if they should get married or break up.
A Jewish Matchmaker Whose Hand Led Hundreds Down the Aisle
We think of the many things we do in our lives and the remarkable pressure we feel to perform. We come up to bat in the bottom of the last inning, two outs and runners in scoring position; we sit in classrooms with our palm sweating, waiting to take an exam; we argue in courtrooms and make investment decisions; we move our families from one community to another… the list goes on and on. There is so much we have to do, and so much we have to get right. Imagine then the incredible pressure Eliezer felt when he was sent out by Abraham to find a wife for his beloved son, Isaac!
What decision can we make that is more fateful than the choice of a lifetime mate? From that decision unfurls years of happiness, successful child-rearing, the blessing of a home filled with learning, respect and holiness.
Rabbi Dr. Eliyahu Safran. Judaism. wedding, illustration. Flash We think of the many things we do in our lives and the remarkable pressure we feel to perform.
Mendelson, Linda Rich, and Bunny Gibson interview three potential suitors before picking one to go on a date with their bachelor or bachelorette. The bubbies then watch them—with the help of a live camera—go on a date and afterwards give pointers on what the daters did right and wrong. The Los Angeles-based grandmothers set up singles of all ages, both Jewish and non-Jewish, and sexual preferences.
One episode features daters in their 60s and 70s, while another features a member of the LGBTQ community looking for love. She has experience working with two matchmaking services, and has appeared in more than 65 television shows and films. She was the first female cantor in history to serve a Conservative congregation. She does couples counseling and said she draws a lot of her wisdom about dating from the Torah.
Jewish Matchmaking Is Alive And Well, With Some Post-Shtetl Updates
Davis is quite rare, a matchmaker who does things the artisanal way, setting up singles through dinner parties, not apps or algorithms. She started hosting at least one Shabbat dinner a month in Davis got access to mentors, donors and business classes to put her vision in place. Labe Eden, a committee member at PresenTense who has attended a few Shabbatness dinners, says he was struck by Davis and her idea from the get go.
He explains it as a more wholesome experience than dating at a bar. The idea could seem old school—but each dinner has its own special twist.
Traditionally, making Jewish matches is considered a mitzvah, and only when matches lead to marriage are matchmakers paid. But matchmaking.
This year marks the 50th anniversary of the Broadway production of “Fiddler on the Roof. Four Broadway revivals and one successful film adaptation later, the story of Tevye and his daughters remains alive in popular culture. Based on the book by Yiddish master storyteller Sholem Aleichem, Tevye attempts to preserve his family and Jewish traditions while outside influences threaten to derail all he knows. Much of the preservation begins with marriage, and a matchmaker is one of the most important and powerful members of the community.
Still today, the matchmaker holds a special role. I have those same plans for my clients, so we want to get things in line and keep everybody’s lives stable and smooth. Any part of the world where people want and believe in their people and want to see them live on, the only way to do that is by being matched up and continuing to bring more people into the world and to continue on with your beliefs.
And a matchmaker doesn’t have to be somebody professional. It can be a friend or a relative or a neighbor. It’ll save you thousands of dollars in a divorce. Shabbat is the Jewish Sabbath. Right now, there is an awesome organization called Shabbat. When you’re talking about a dating website, SawYouAtSinai is for more religious Jews, and they don’t search for themselves.
Singles furious after matchmaking site for Orthodox Jews makes profiles public
Matchmaker Judith Gottesman. Yesterday, I did a story about a man with a bizarre job. He was helping Spanish banks that wanted to merge with other banks. In my story, I compared this man to a yenta, someone who arranges marriages. And then I got this phone message from my mom, who usually calls to tell me what she thinks of my stories:.
Her matchmaker is part of a newly launched program called OU-JLIConnections, a partnership between the Orthodox Union’s Jewish Learning.
The novel coronavirus pandemic has led local, state and federal governments to implement social distancing measures, including prohibiting gatherings, closing businesses and encouraging people to stay six feet apart if they must leave their homes. According to Salkin, many people are now wondering how to find and maintain relationships without in-person contact.
Get Jewish Exponent’s Newsletter by email and never miss our top stories We do not share data with third party vendors. Free Sign Up. Talia Goldstein, founder and president of the Los Angeles-based matchmaking company Three Day Rule , believes social distancing will make people reconsider the qualities they are looking for in a partner. Now is the time to slow down and really get to know people.
Salkin has transitioned many of her clients in Philadelphia and New York City to video dating since the cities began enforcing social distancing. She said there are a few things people should keep in mind as they navigate this new reality. There are some games you can play online together. You can watch a TV show and talk during the commercials. Aleeza Ben Shalom of Philadelphia, founder and dating coach at Marriage Minded Mentor , recommends that people who are seeking a relationship now focus on websites like JDate because they provide more in-depth information than swipe-based apps.
According to Ben Shalom, the main concern for people in new relationships is the potential for growth. She also believes the pandemic provides an opportunity for long-term relationships to grow.